the sun has come out today,
his golden rays fall upon my skin,
i feel warm everywhere,
everywhere but on the inside,
why must i feel this way —
is my heart so cold that not even the sun's rays dare to touch it?
Time and time again I have pondered upon this very mystery of life: why must we suffer? For what reason must we endure such tribulations? Is not our very existence a cruel joke? Are we not desreving of even a moment of interior silence whilst the word us carries on in its profound chaotic state of affairs?
The world, in all her beauty, can be a cruel place. But yet we still find joyous moments when we least expect them. Give me an answer if you will: Is the human experience moments of immense sadnesss with brief traces of happiness to distract us from our inevitable suffering? Or is it a series of of unprecedented ups and downs — neither good nor bad but rather our interpretation of the world around us?
Though it all, I have come to find that in order to cope with the ever-changing world, I at times (even without notice) create false realities — realities so perfectly concocted within my own mind that even I believe them to be true. Whether it be an automated response to a situation or a hopeful thought, these 'realities' have proven harmful to my approach in life.
I would like to highlight some of the most common lies that I have told myself in the past. They will not take the form of prose but rather that of verse with some brief comments here and there.
1.
i missed the bus today,
but a walk should be okay,
i trip and graze my arm,
but it's okay — it barely did any harm
someone stole my shoes
it was bound to happen anyway
i really ought to be more careful,
someone punched me ibn the face last week
bu it's okay — i'm sure they were just having a bad day
everything is okay
-the first denial
If there is anything that I have learnt, it's that it's okay for things to not be okay. What isn't okay is choosing to remain silent. Whatever it may be, it usually helps to talk about it. But no issue can be resolved until you acknoledge its existence.
Denial can be a poison in itself. Whilst we are slowly eaten away by the issue at hand, denial leaves us numb to the world.
2.
how odd you are
from the way you smile to the way you frown
i've seen you before,
always alone,
everyone look:
it's the little toad come out to play,
he even speaks
'Joe' is such a joker,
how amazing our friendship
maybe i'll ask him for his name one of these days
-they don't mean what they say
Not everyone has the best intentions for us. Sometimes we need to learn to tell the difference between a harmless joke and an attack on our wellbeing.
3.
there's blood on the floor,
there's blood on my clothes,
in front of me a dead bpdy lays,
in my hand i hold a silver knife,
what were they thinkung?
why did they choose to die?
it's not my fault their heart's so weak!
my hands are clean,
i am innocent,
i can do no wrong
-the second denial
We hurt others. This is a fact of life. The best thing we can do in such a situation is to step up and apologise or at least do something that expresses how sorry we are. People won't always be forgiving but it does help.
4.
'you were built for greatness;
the universe looks down upon you,
cheering you on,'
at least that's what i taught myself to believe,
i was not built for greatness,
i build my own greatness,
only i can dig myself out of this hole,
i cannot wait for he universe,
my time is limited
-the universe has my goals in mind
Do not be passive. Do not just sit an dwait for the universe to fulfill your needs. Do something. Change begins with you. Only when you make the conscious decision to build a better life for yourself and others, will change ever become a reality.
Look to your past to pave a better way for your future. Sometimess motivational quotes just aren't enough to get you through life. Look within yourself to define what it is that you want out of life. What lies are you telling yourself? What false realities have you created and what are you going to do about them?
